Is it life or is it me? The shift has hit the fan. I sit to write from a place of misunderstanding and pain with a hint of "stage fright", if you will. Normally I'd sit and suffer all night and drive myself nuts but I've been told multiple times that sharing these feelings is what makes me the most human, no matter how raw, no matter how real.
About three years ago I was on a mission to find my "pack", my "tribe". I had this deep feeling that if everyone embraced their authenticity and could bring multiple different forces they've mastered to the table, filled with love, this world would be the most magical place. That was nice in theory.
In the last few years I've had what seems to be continuous crash-courses of life lessons that have me studying the depths of my core being. You are the only person that can do that work. I've realized there are levels to lessons, and I can see why and how some people choose to remain ignorant. It truly is bliss. With the amount of miracles that I've been experiencing and creating, I am also feeling an overwhelming amount of frustration. I don't know if this is something that I'm doing to myself, what happens when your consciousness levels up, being in your mid twenties, or all of it. But whatever the fuck it is has me up at 3:04a.m. on a Saturday morning, after a night full of cathartic tears from the pits of my soul, tapping into my inner Carrie Bradshaw.
I feel like I owe people an apology, like I should be spreading better vibes or only sharing enlightening entries. If I did, then I would be sugar coating life and this shit ain't that sweet tbh. Then I'd be contributing to the problem, people fronting like they have it all figured out. I have enough figured out to survive on my own in Manhattan, but I really want to know WTF. Don't get me wrong, even in this mindset I remain grateful and count my blessings every day. Life is just feeling like one big test where you're lost until your death.
So this is me, taking an authentically raw, new approach to life. Test 1, 2. ;)